… than you can chew is a reasonable english
version of a Swedish proverb which tries to tell you not to be too greedy,
or you might end up losing everything ("den som gapar efter
mycket mister ofta hela stycket" ). There is some truth in
this of course, about constantly wanting more without being grateful
for what I have, and only focusing on everything I don't have.
Listening in on other peoples' conversations is interesting - doing
a bit of eavesdropping. I was recently on a charter trip. Not something
I usually do, but it was my turn now.
It is astounding to find that there's a lot of people who do not seem grateful for the opportunity to be able to go on a vacation trip, in this case to Mexico, for a week or two. It's fascinating and quite frustrating to hear all these people obsessing about negative things while waiting in line to check in.
Where's the gratitude? I wondered. There was a teenage
girl yelling at her mother. Upset that they were only going away for
one week, and why didn't they have better seats on the flight? It was
going to be sooooooo painful sitting there, and all that for a measly
seven days.
Well, stay at home then, I thought. The mother on the other hand was
slowly disintegrating while she tried to explain and convince her daughter
that everything was going to work out fine after all. I must confess
- this made me feel very uneasy. What right does a teenager, who most
likely hasn't paid anything for the trip, have to make a fool out of
herself and her mother like that? What a terrible lack of gratitude
and respect. Is this our future? Spoiled and ungrateful kids with a
shitty attitude?
But there I was, smiling and thinking: "I'm lucky to have the chance to spend an entire week in the sun alone with my 15 year old daughter. I have a great opportunity to influence her for seven days, and make her appreciate things even more and to be more positive."
It's probably quite obvious that as far as airports and charter trips go, there are things that could be better, smoother and more fun. Having to show your boarding pass more than once felt a bit unnecessary, but then I'd rather show it four times, which was the case here, than not at all. The alternative was to stay at home in a gray and cold Sweden, and that didn't seem particularly appealing.
On this trip, which was completely wonderful and very beneficial, our conversations were all over the place. Aside from spending time in the sun and the sea, we watched "Coach Carter", "Peaceful Warrior" and "A thousand times stronger". We talked about friends, attitudes, grades, school and above all RESPONSIBILITY. My daughter doesn't think she has the best mom in the world all the time, I can tell you that, but then again that was not my purpose with this trip. My goal was to prepare my daughter once more for life and its challenges. It is my parental duty to point things out and have the guts to be a mother.
The problem is that it's so easy to be and act negatively.
Our society is a culture in which everything is constantly questioned
and complained about, so there were plenty of issues to coach around.
Since we have gotten under our respective skins more and more this week,
it has become apparent that many adults - in school and at home - have
simply resigned. They have thrown up their hands and just quit. They
simply don't take responsibility, but instead keep coming up with excuses.
It is terrible and it makes me even more convinced that running the
VM-Youth course this summer is the right thing to do.
My daughter is amazing, but just like any other girl she is looking for herself and her identity, and she needs guidance and structure in her life. This is a time when it is important to have the courage to challenge and to keep asking questions even if the person being asked doesn't want to answer. By being here-and-present, I can hear what she is saying even when there are no words coming out, and then you must have the guts to see what I see, hear what I hear and feel what I feel. You end up with a sort of anarchy when there is a lack of clarity and consistency, both at home and at work, which makes space for your own interpretations and rules. A sort of Home Rule defining which rules are important, which ones I intend to follow, and which ones I will disregard.
Once again, communication is center stage, along with respect and responsibility. It's great to realize that my daughter is a wonderful girl behind that mask of insecurity. An insecurity which is currently caused by her not being sure if she is good enough - the comments and behaviours among teenage girls are horrible. I have occasionally been rendered speechless when I have heard them talking about one another.
What scares me though, are the absent parents - it has been noticeable in our talks, and quite obvious here in Mexico. Where are they? At home it seems as if far too many have resigned their responsibility and do not appear to keep tabs on what's going on. I can't help thinking, whose responsibility is that? Here on vacation it doesn't seem like they can be bothered either. They are no longer responsible for their kids, but they - the kids - can do whatever they want, without any restraints. Screaming, jumping, running all over the place, constantly making noise. Where is mom and dad? Would they enjoy having their cup of coffee knocked over, soaking the book they are reading? How much fun is it being unable to sit in the pool and just talk because of a constant noise that makes communication impossible? I had all these questions until I saw a bunch of parents moving in to buy drinks in the pool bar. I assure you that everyone in the whole pool area could hear them! That's when I realized that kids don't do what their parents tell them to - they do what their parents do.
We have the children we deserve, the employees we deserve, and the relationships we deserve. If I'm not happy about them, it's up to me to do something about it, because no-one else is going to do it for me - even if I want them to.
It felt good right then and there to realize that I have two fantastic
daughters, a completely magical family, a wonderful job, a house I love,
the best husband in the world to spend my time with, and that I'm the
kind of person that I would like to go on a holiday trip with. What
more could I possibly ask for? Well, maybe another one of those complimentary
cocktails then...
"…- Hola Señor….una magherita por favor…"
